If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
