We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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