We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
