if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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