Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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