I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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