You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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