never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They are going to name an STD after you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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