What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
