Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
