Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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