Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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