I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
