we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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