you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
