She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
