the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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