it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
