Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
