we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
