So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
