You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
