i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
