Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
