I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
