Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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