Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
