The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
