I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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