i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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