you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Found your dick twin last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
