She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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