So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
