it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
