i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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