i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
