If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
