I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
