; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
