i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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