hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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