billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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