I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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