she looked like the before picture.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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