got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
