I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
