Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
