The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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