I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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