sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
