I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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