dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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