I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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