I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
