There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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