did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
