Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
