i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
