My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
