im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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