clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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