Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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