I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
