life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
