You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
