I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize