Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
