Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
