do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize