Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
