1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
