Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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