i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize