I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize