i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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