I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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