I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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