this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
