just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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