Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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