I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
