I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
