I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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