when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
