you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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