do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
